MUSIC and ME!!

As a young kid I've always looked up to different singers and did my best to pay close attention to the way I felt as the singer expressed themselves through a melody line or even a lyric and tried to connect an emotion with what was sung melodically or lyrically. It gave me drive to sing and write and even play and while the years went on singing became a sense of release, writing became a feeling of freedom, and playing the piano became a field for experiment.

I remember while growing up my three older brothers always singing everywhere, whether it be at schools, nursing homes, a family event, etc. they were always the ones that sang. Yes, me and my sister were thrown in once in awhile, but I could honestly say that I was never musically gifted at that particular time.at that age I never took voice lessons I never took piano lessons, all I knew was what I heard, and sometimes what I heard came out not sounding so good HAHA.. I was always told that I couldn't sing. I even remember times when I would get kicked out of my brothers room while they sang because I was tone deaf. But taking no for an answer was not acceptable to me and so I worked. I studied many different singers, HARD ONES at that. Christina Aguilera, Stevie Wonder, Brian Mcknight, Whitney Houston,  and many more. All of these different types of soul and R&B singers and nothing. I pushed hard to be something like they were (Vocally) but still came out as me.and to me that was unacceptable because I was not good enough.

As a teenager, I had two different types of voice coaches. My first being Mrs. Sparks. She was actually my choir teachers wife. But she taught classical and was very focused on breathing correctly. And I sang out opera tunes, traditional folk songs, after a few months of this I grew tired of singing something that I didn't want to sing. I then came across a man name Dean Kaelin who was taught by Seth Riggs (Credentials - Michael Jackson Stevie Wonder ETC) I was instantly excited with the hope of thinking that I would sound just like the people I idolized. if there was anything that I needed to have learned at that time of my life it would be to not set myself up for disappointment! AHAHA

I am not saying that the teachings of SLS (Speech Level Singing) were bad, because IN FACT, they are what saved my life, vocally. let me explain, going into my consultation lesson, I went in with my karaoke track of 'Superstar' Luther Vandross version and was ready to sing. Dean played the CD and told me to sing. so I began. I didn't even finish the first verse and he stops it and says, ok I'm gonna teach you some things that will make you soar through this song but first you gotta sing like MYCAL, not like Luther, like MYCAL. Devastating news at that time because to me, MYCAL, sucked. ahaha but at the same time it made sense to sing like me whether people like it or not. To just SING! and that's exactly what I did. I continued on with him for 4 years til I began lessons with the same organization just with a different teacher Linda Tomkinson who has continued great teachings, just as Dean, with finding my voice. Taking risks was my adventure with Linda and she would NOT allow me to sing under my capabilities!! Which I am very grateful for!

After taking time to become familiar with my voice and different things that I could do I moved to Los Angeles to further my music. Going to school, booking gigs, writing some songs, gave me the idea to start demanding money, and thats when I started to get lost in the whole business side of music and started to sing for all the wrong reasons. Which money, isnt the WRONG REASON, but it became my ONLY reason. And I lost sight of my passion for it and everything I was doing came off insignificant and insincere. I was putting myself in situations where I was mentally unhealthy. I took on too much and crashed. I felt bitter towards people because they didn't hold up their part of the deal and became LOST once again on what kind of musician I was.

This past December, I went back to Utah for a little bit, and it gave me just the break I needed! Being stubborn I held everything in. Then, finally, broke down to my dad. expressing every doubt and insecurity to him and cried endlessly because of the pressure I was under. And being the man that my dad was, he did something very important to me. He fathered me. If that makes sense. From our moment of conversing with each other he brought up another point that I forgot, and that was to be ME!! Reminded me that I did music because I loved it, that I had a passion for it. Not because it was my source of income. And that was just what I needed to separate music and business. Not saying that I can't make money from it, but making money from it honestly and not grudgingly.. Money will come, in time, but make the most of my music now to make the difference.

Many times as a professional (any type of profession) we lose our sense of direction and place ourselves to be better than we really are! I am thankful for being humbled countless times in this business and for the constant reminder that all I need to be the best at is portraying a better me. I have learned to be not be a afraid of failing because that is when I'll see my success. throughout all of my years as a musician some people see me as a GREAT musician, others see me as a SCUKY musician, and I see me as getting better at being a musician and as long as I'm moving forward to being better I'm happy with myself!!